Great Expectations

Some adoptive moms have lovingly referred to this part of the waiting as a "paper pregnancy" because of all the paperwork we have to do in order to "birth" our child. Well, I don't think I could rightfully compare the two because I've actually gone through hard physical pregnancies. And honestly, I've never felt better during this "pregnancy". lol!  Still, there is definitely a special expectancy that happens while we wait to adopt our children into our family. During the waiting, God miraculously begins to grow our hearts and expand our dreams with great love for the child we wait to embrace. And, as we wait, we pray with great hope knowing God has already planned out all of the details, each of the steps in this journey, and there is great comfort in relying on His strength and power to equip us. We also wait with great expectancy! Pouring over God's attributes today, there is such revelation in His word. Knowing He is the God who saves us. He is worthy of all our praises. He is faithful, loving, forgiving, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-present. There is nothing in my future that His hands have not planned. Nothing in my past that He can not forgive. Nothing in my now that He is not fully aware of and using to prepare me for His will. When the doubts and fears attempt to overthrow what it is that I know to be true of my God, there is nothing left to do, but to go to His word and remind myself of all that -  He is.

He is ALL-POWERFUL:

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:2

I am the LORD the GOD of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with GOD all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

He is FAITHFUL to keep His PROMISES:

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to GOD, being fully persuaded that GOD had power to do what he had promised. Romans 4:20

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands. Psalm 138:8

He is UNCHANGING:

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it. Numbers 23:19-20

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

He is OUR FOUNDATION:

I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for a man to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23

If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

He is GLORIFIED through US:

He has chosen us to do His will so that through us His name is glorified.
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:11-12

But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Exodus 9:16

He is ALWAYS WITH US:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

So, yes. I guess in one way, I am expecting.

In fact, I have GREAT EXPECTATIONS!

I'm expecting God to show up in miraculous ways throughout this entire journey of faith. I'm waiting on Him to direct our steps. When the doubts of others try to overtake what I know is God's truth, I'm expecting Him to prove Himself. No more trying to convince those who do not have the faith to believe. No more trying to persuade them to see God's ways. I'm slowly, often times too slowly for my own good, learning that this is not what He has asked of me.

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

Those who do not have the faith enough to believe God for this journey will not suddenly change their hearts and believe because I've made a great argument for believing God. God doesn't need my pitiful "two cents" to add to anything that His very Word already perfectly supports and explains more adequately than anything I could try to say. Those that do not believe must search the Scriptures on their own to find out what His will is for them. How we are all called to care for the "orphans and widows in their distress."

I'm deeply saddened to know those who are closet to me do not trust God's plans for my life. The concern is out of love, and yet, God's love is all that should matter to any of us. He loves me. He loves George Mason. His love through me allows my love to be complete and lacking nothing.

Sometimes I think God must shake his head in sorrow to see that we as Christians can have faith to believe that God can resurrect us from our graves, but we do not grant Him the audience to trust Him to provide for our daily lives. We believe that He can raise a dead man. But, we do not see how he can raise the money to bring home a beloved child? We believe that He can create EVERYTHING that we see. But, we do not believe that He can create a family through adoption? We do not believe that He can provide for that family? We do not believe that He can direct our paths? We do not believe that He can put bread on our tables? A roof over us? A bed to sleep on? A plane ticket to China? An orphanage donation? Fees for paperwork? What little faith we have indeed!

This journey of faith for David and I is stretching us to believe Him for all that we do not have. That belief is finding its roots in God's Word and in the story of two amazing Christians who did BELIEVE Him. For EVERYTHING. George Mueller and Gladys Aylward. Oh that our journey to George Mason might be filled with even half their faith! And, Oh the power, dear friends, that we would see if we would but allow Him to work in us and through us. Just to give Him the opportunity to miraculously grant every provision. Just to believe Him first. Not by our manipulating others or striving in our own might, but by simply bringing every. single. request. before Him and laying them all at His feet. Praying, and Watching, and Waiting. Expecting Him!

Expecting God to provide. Expecting God to direct. Expecting God to heal. Expecting God to sustain. Expecting God to deliver. Expecting God to fulfill. Expecting God to complete. Expecting God to unite. Expecting God to forgive. Expecting God to protect. Expecting God to overcome.
Expecting God to reveal. Expecting God to be all that - He is.

He is looking for believers who actually BELIEVE Him. He doesn't just want our lip service, he wants our heart's service.

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.  2 Chronicles 16:9a

He is waiting on us. Waiting on us to come to Him, with open hearts, hands outstretched, so that the God of the Universe who created each of us and gave us our lives: the past, present, and future, can meet our needs.

On bended knees, with heart held high, you'll find me.
Praying...with Great Expectations!

Paper Work

Several have asked about our process for this adoption. The biggest question is whether we will have to wait 3 years for our son to come home. Thankfully, the answer is "no" to that one! :) But, many things have changed since we brought home Jessa Li two years ago, and some things are different simply because this is a waiting child adoption versus a non-special needs adoption. In other words, we are not waiting on Ch*na to match us with a child, but this time, we have chosen our child from Ch*na's waiting children list. Their waiting children lists include children that either have special needs {both minor and major} or are older, healthy children all of whom are waiting on a family to bring them home. Right now the C C A A {Ch*na Center for Adoption Affairs} issues two kinds of lists. The first list is a shared list that is sent to all approved adoption agencies. The second type of list is agency specific and includes "special focus" children. This second type of list is given to only certain agencies that the C C A A has hand-picked to advocate for specific children. George Mason was listed on the second type of list. He is a special focus child hand-picked by the C C A A to be advocated for by our Agency {A.A.C. Adoption & Family Network out of Colorado}. This makes the process different than Jessa's adoption because we are not waiting in a line of families to adopt a child that the C C A A matches us with, instead we have chosen a child with special needs from the C C A A's special focus list that has been waiting for a family.

The simple breakdown of the process looks like this:

• Identify Child to Adopt on Waiting Child List
• LOI {Letter of Intent sent to Ch*na by our family requesting permission to adopt Mason}
• PA {Pre-Approval received from Ch*na approving our family to adopt Mason pending dossier}
• Home Study Completed
• 3 Meetings with Social Worker including 1 home visit
• FBI Clearances
• Documents Collected - birth cert., marriage cert., employment letters, taxes, autobiographies, cps clearances, county clearances, state clearances, etc., medical physicals
• 10 Hours of On-line Hague Classes
• Notarize Documents
• Mail Home Study and Dossier Documents to AAC
• AAC Authenticates and Certifies & Translates All Documents
• I-800 USCIS Form Completed Mailed to AAC
• I-800 USCIS Fingerprinting Appointment
• I-800 USCIS Approval Letter Received & Mailed to AAC
• DTC {Dossier Mailed To Ch*na by our AAC}
• LID {Log In Date - Date dossier logged into the C C A A's}
• LOA {Letter of Acceptance} Sent to AAC from C C A A officially approving us for adoption
• Signed LOA mailed back to AAC
• LOA mailed back to C C A A
• Apply to Obtain Visas to travel to Ch*na
• I-800 Apply to Obtain George Mason's Visa to Immigrate to US
• NVC Letter
• Article 5 Issued to GZ
• TA {Travel Approval} Sent to AAC approving us for travel to Ch*na
• CA {Consulate Appointment} Appointment to obtain Mason's US Visa from our Consulate in GZ.
• TRAVEL to adopt George Mason!

And here are all the details, the long, and winding road back to Ch*na:

Once are home study is complete we can mail everything to our agency and they can begin the process of authenticating and certifying everything. While they are busy doing that, we will be waiting on the US to process our request to adopt an orphan internationally. We have to fill out forms and wait on that process to unfold before we can officially submit our dossier to Ch*na. We must be fingerprinted again, this time digitally, and those prints go to the USCIS. After our prints are taken, we wait until we have received the US approval/clearance letter. The day we receive that letter in the mail, we will priority send it to our agency {AAC} in Colorado. That will be the last document for our dossier.


After that they will translate documents, and finally they will mail our dossier {huge packet of all the documents we collected and signed} to Ch*na. The date our dossier is mailed is known as DTC {Dossier to Ch*na}. Once they have our dossier it goes in a pile to be processed. When it is logged into the C C A A's system, we will receive a LID {Log In Date}.


The next phase will be waiting for our LOA {Letter of Acceptance} to be mailed to us. The LOA means that the C C A A has reviewed our dossier and everything is approved. The LOA is Ch*na's official way of offering us the right to adopt George Mason as our son. We have PA now {which is Pre-Approval pending the review of our dossier}. The LOA is sent to our agency and they will call us when they receive it. They will priority mail it to our home for us to sign, then we will priority mail it back to them for them to send it back to Ch*na. :) We will then wait for Ch*na to receive the LOA and wait for them to issue our TA {Travel Approval}.

However, this is where the Hague Treaty has added a few more steps of waiting. 

It has to do with making sure that the child we are adopting, in this case, our son, is truly eligible for adoption and is an orphan, and then gaining clearance from the USCIS for him to immigrate to the US on a US Visa as our adopted child.

So, after we sign the LOA, we will apply to the U.S Government, Department of Homeland Security, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) for provisional approval to adopt that particular child (that's the I-800 form that our Agency sends in for us). The USCIS will determine whether the child is eligible under U.S. law to be adopted and enter the United States. 

After this, our Agency will submit a visa application to a Consular Officer at the U.S. Embassy. The U.S. Consulate Guangzhou Adoption Unit requires that a copy of the NVC notification letter to parents stating the I-800 has been sent to the consulate be included with documents submitted by facilitators for Hague case Article 5 issuances. 

The Consular Officer will review the child’s information and evaluate the child for possible visa ineligibilities. If the Consular Office determines that the child appears eligible to immigrate to the United States, he/she will notify Ch*na's adoption authority (Article 5 letter). Because we are adopting from a Hague Convention country, we may not proceed with the adoption or obtain custody for the purpose of adoption until this takes place.

After the we have signed the LOA and the U.S. Consulate has submitted an Article 5 letter (from what I'm reading on it looks like this Article 5 is cabled to GZ), our Agency will then receive an approval notice from the C C A A ("Notice of Coming to Ch*na for Adoption") otherwise know as our TA and will forward this information on to us. This document will bear the "chops," or red-inked seals of the C C A A. We must have this approval notice in hand before departing for Ch*na to finalize the adoption.

While we wait for TA, we will begin the process of obtaining our Visas to travel to Ch*na - the process above was to obtain our son's US Visa in Ch*na. David and I have to have a Ch*nese Visa in our passport to travel into their country as well. As you can see from the process above, TA's can come quickly or take weeks. Once we have been given approval to travel {TA}, we will wait for our CA {Consulate Appointment}.


The CA is obtained by our agency who approaches the US Consulate with our adoption time-line for traveling in Ch*na. The CA will determine when we will travel to Ch*na. Some families receive their CA right after receiving their TA and must travel immediately! Some families have to wait to receive their CA and do not travel for 2 to 3 weeks. The CA is based on the paperwork that needs to be processed in country. Typically, families spend about a week in their child's province gathering documents to adopt their child and obtain their child's Ch*nese Passport so they can travel in-country to Guangzhou {GZ} where the US Consulate is located. Every US family adopting in Ch*na must end their journey in Guangzhou at the US Consulate. That is where we are sworn in and given our child's US Visa to travel into America with our family as our adopted child.

The CA is that appointment date where we present ourselves with our child to the US official granting visas. It typically takes a week in Guangzhou to process all the US Visa paperwork which will include a mandatory medical exam for our son in Ch*na. These exams are issued and mandated by the US and right now many families are extremely upset by the number of immunizations that are given during these exams. Some children have been given up to 8 shots at a time! We are praying that law is changed quickly. We did not have to worry about that with Jessa's adoption, at that time they believed the doctor's immunization records in the country and allowed us to bring her home, obtain a lab test to see which immunizations had been given, and then set up a schedule with our pediatrician for the others. Something changed in the 2 years since we adopted, and now they are no longer allowing families to do this at home.

Once we receive our CA, we can REJOICE! because we will be able to travel to adopt George Mason!

Half The Sky

As we pray for our son half a world away, we are so comforted to know he is being nurtured in a Half The Sky program. This video highlights the benefits that children in Ch*nese orphanages receive by being part of a Half The Sky program. To read more about this wonderful organization just click on this link: Our Story.

George Mason's photo sits in the middle of our kitchen table. We LOVE having him be a part of our family meals and seeing his cute little face each time we walk by. AJ is excited to bring him home! He can't wait to have another brother! And, it has been really sweet to see our little girls grow so much love already for their baby brother who they affectionately call Curious George. I just love how they lay their little heads on the table next to George Mason's photo and sweetly whisper conversations to him. "Hi buddy! We miss you!" and "You will come home soon. Okay?"

They are constantly telling me how much they love him and how much they miss him. My heart is so heavy realizing that he is in Ch*na right now and he doesn't even know how much he is loved. How often his Daddy opens his wallet to show off so lovingly the photo of "my son". :) It so sweet. We are beyond excited to welcome him into our family! Praying God will make a way for us to travel in 1/2 the time! This process is so up in the air. Some families receive the necessary clearances in mere weeks, while others are waiting anxiously for months. There is no rhyme or reason that any of us can see.

Right now we are still finishing up our home study. Our last of 3 meetings is schedule for Friday. We have several documents that have not come yet, so we are praying they arrive soon. It is hard to wait on agencies to mail back the documents you need. No one is in a big hurry to make anything urgent. You sorta pray and wait until they decide to process what you requested. Praying that once we have all of our documents in Ch*na, that the process will go smoothly and quickly. Until then, I thank God for sending Half the Sky angels to minister and nurture our son until my arms can hold him.

Giving Up

Working at Target in the evenings, it sure is beginning to look a lot like Christmas! The store is decorated from floor to ceiling and many customers have already begun their shopping for the perfect Christmas gift. There's a BIG difference in the customers who come through the checkout lanes with carts full of TOYS and those that are there just doing the tedious weekly shopping. The toys, the gifts, somehow bring out happy smiles and definitely up the niceness quotient to levels that make this job more than tolerable. :) I just LOVE seeing what everyone has picked out for their kiddos! So fun! And on top of that there is the added bonus (trying to think of the cup half full now) of window shopping or maybe I should say checkout shopping, while I'm working. lol! One thing that has begun to slowly drain that half full cup feeling is just the idea of how much money we spend on things like pop. Seriously. America drinks A LOT of pop.

Gallons a week come through my checkout lane alone, and that doesn't include the other kinds of drinks we buy. Juice boxes, Juice pouches, Iced-teas, Crazy Caffeinated Drinks, Power-up Drinks, etc. Being an avid supporter of Samaritan's Purse, I'm well aware of the need our brothers and sisters around the world have for just one thing - one thing we all take for granted.

Water.

Clean drinking water.

Water that is so essential to preventing an onslaught of diseases, but even more so, it gives that family a sense of esteem. They go from worry over giving their children dirty water, to JOY in providing them with the BEST their little bodies need to grow strong. Because we have it readily available to us, at any time, I think we just start to forget how good it is for us.

And before I get too far along, let me just say I include myself in this. Guilty! But, I've decided to pledge for the next year to be pop free. I know it isn't New Year's and I shouldn't be making resolutions yet, but I'm not waiting until January to start doing what I know God will bless today. So I'm taking the plunge. I'm gonna be honest. I drink a LOT of pop. It's the one thing I can't seem to let go of despite my best efforts. I can go weeks without it, and then WHAM I'm off the wagon and sucking down glass after glass of the carbonated fizz. It is going to be hard, very hard. But, I think I need the reminder to not only drink more water, but to be thankful that I can at any time fill a glass up with pure H2O and drink until I am refreshed. I would love to have you praying with me for others to give toward helping those who don't have this luxury. That's right. Clean water in some nations is truly a luxury.

There are many organizations that help drill wells for clean water, but Samaritan's Purse is our family's favorite. Right now they have their 2010 Samaritan's Purse Gift Catalog on-line. They have listed "gifts that can bring the hope of Christ to a hurting world." Three of those gifts are specifically for water. Gift numbers 24, 30, and 33. Giving toward any of these will ensure the gift of clean water to a family that is right now, right now, fearing the very water they drink.

And maybe some of you reading this would like to take the pop-free challenge with me? Maybe you'll decide to forgo pop and invest that money in the lives of those who are hurting? Our change makes changes! Pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters, they all add up to dollars. Even pocket change collected over the course of a year begins to add up to real savings. Do you know how much your family spends on sugary drinks each month? Each year?

Yah, me either. But, I think its time I figure that out, because that alone could be the place God wants to work in us and through us. Working in us to make our bodies healthier and stronger. Working through us by freeing up that change and investing it into His kingdom changes. I know it is only a little from our family budget, but that's the little God wants us to give up to help bring our son home. Not just giving up but Giving UP to Him. :) Yes, I think that's the least of sacrifices I can give, I'm sure there's more to come. He is dealing with me daily and refining the parts of me that He wants to change. It is humbling and challenging and rewarding all rolled up in one.

I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward. ~ Jesus Christ

Sometimes, that's all I need to make a life-changing decision permanent - the truth. God's truth.

The Dream Giver

Not by accident, I picked up this book over the summer. As it had collected dust on our bookshelves for over a year, something inside me decided to wipe it clean and puruse through the first several chapters to see what I would find. Astonished to discover a parable of sorts unfold equal to the imagination of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, this new allegory told of a young man, Ordinary, who had been given a dream by The Dream Giver {God} and was setting out on a perilous journey to make that dream come true. As Ordinary dares to leave behind the Land of Familiar and break out of his Comfort Zone, I found myself eagerly cheering for him to continue his pursuit all the while finding myself more and more within the pages of this book. As often is the case with dreams, there are those who are far too eager to tie your ankles with lead balloons just in case you get too far ahead of yourself and think you might actually become Somebody Special. In Bruce Wilkinson's book, The Dream Giver, he calls those lead-balloon-tying folks, Bullies in the BorderLands. And in just the last couple days, God has urged me to remember what I read through this summer.

Ahead he saw the Wide Waters and the bridge to the Unknown. Between him and the bridge lay the BorderLand, an open stretch of flat ground. Ordinary was suprised to see, standing in the middle of the BorderLand, a few Nobodies from Familiar. One of the Nobodies, who looked more familiar than most, was hurrying toward him.

It was his Mother.

She rushed up and threw her arms around Ordinary. "Oh Ordie!" she cried. "My Baby! Thank goodness we got here in time! You mustn't go on!" she said. "I was so alarmed when I heard you were leaving Familiar! I know you told us that you were, but I never thought you would. Honestly, what are you thinking? It's not safe! You could get hurt. You could even die!"

"But it's my Big Dream, Mother!" said Ordinary. "It's a wonderful Dream and I want to pursue it."

He tried to reassure his Mother. He told her that as Big Dreams go, his was only a little life threatening. But this seemed to alarm his Mother more than ever. As they walked across the BorderLand, Ordinary spotted his Uncle and Best Friend.

Ordinary's Uncle strode up first. "So, you've decided to become a Dreamer." he said accusingly. "Do you realize that you are going completely against every tradition in this family? Why should you become a Somebody when the rest of us have always been happy being Nobodies?"

Before Ordinary could reply, Best Friend stepped in. "I was worried before, Ordinary," he said gravely, "but the more I've thought about it, the more convinced I am that you can't succeed at this. I can't stand by and watch you go down in defeat!"

Ordinary was speechless and bewildered. He'd heard a rumor about Border Bullies. But he had supposed that if it were true, Bullies would be Nobodies he didn't know. He never imagined they'd be some of the Nobodies who knew him best!

Now his Mother, Uncle, and Best Friend all stood silently before him, blocking his view of the bridge to his Big Dream. How would he ever get past them? Should he even try? He needed time to think.

He asked his Bullies to wait for him. Then he walked alone down to the water's edge, where he sat on a large rock.

Looking out over the Wide Waters, Ordinary thought and thought. He thought until he began to think that maybe his Bullies were right. Maybe he was wrong to pursue his Dream.

Then Ordinary heard a voice call his name. When he turned to see who it was, he recognized a Somebody. It was Champion, an old friend from Familiar who used to be a Nobody.

"Champion!" exclaimed Ordinary. "What are you doing here?"

Champion sat down on the rock beside him. "When I heard you had a become a Dreamer, I just had to come," he said. "I knew you'd need help."

"Thanks," said Ordinary with a heavy sigh. "But did you see all my Bullies?"

"I saw them," said Champion. "They're Bullies, all right. But think of me as your Border Buster. I want to help you break through their opposition."

Then Champion helped Ordinary understand what was happening. "Your Mother, Uncle, and Best Friend are only doing what's natural," he said. "When you left your Comfort Zone, you really shook up theirs. Each of them has something to lose if you go forward."

"That makes sense," said Ordinary. "But what do I do now? How do I get all my Bullies on my side?"

"Well, you might not be able to. Wisdom is the key. Try to understand what's motivating them. Look for the merit of their concerns. Some Bullies you need to simply dismiss or avoid. But most Border Bullies have concerns that can help you clarify your plans. That's how a Dreamer turns opposition into opportunity."

When Champion stood to leave, he said, "Hold fast to your Dream, Ordinary. You're going to be a Somebody someday. I just know it!"

Then he shook Ordinary's hand and jumped down from the rock. "Remember," he said, "when Bullies try to block your way, what matters most is who you choose to please!"

Substitute the names of the Bullies in this account and sadly, the story rings far truer than I'd like to admit. I know I am not alone in this tangled mess of duty and calling. There are many of us struggling with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even strangers {which are far more easily dismissed, but still wounding in their own selfish way} who would choose to speak over us and our dreams words of death. Yes, death.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Prov. 18:21

Our words weigh out so much emotion and coming from those that we love the most, hold all the more power. Choosing to speak words of life or death over a dream revealed creates an immediate impact that for some, or maybe just me, ripples on throughout my entire dream journey. It is harder to find the courage I need when I have nothing but echoes of doubt and death ringing off the canyons of my heart. But still, The Dreamer Giver calls me to face obstacles knowing He will equip, and He will sustain, and He will not let my foot slip.

So, why is it that those we love the most give us the least amount of joy for the journey?

How I long for just once the questions and doubts to cease and for arms of JOY and LOVE to wrap around my dreams while cheering me on to fulfill all that God has created me to be.

Just once, for someone to say, YOU CAN DO IT! knowing they will be standing with me and more than that running alongside me. Yes, running! All the way to that ultimate Finish Line waiting with arms wide-open to catch me up as I fall through the tape of destiny, and champion me for all that God has brought me through.

Just once to have my dreams met with anticipation and eager excitement.

Just once to know I have their immediate blessing without first undergoing a trial with me on the witness stand answering question after question and defending my faith.

Just once to feel the compassionate embrace of a supporter who comes from my land of Familiar and who wants nothing more than to see me succeed in this painful thing we call life.

Just once to be sought out and favored.

Just once to have my words linger in the air long enough for all to savor their meaning.

Just once to be given the credit of courageous or brave in light of all that my soul has endured.

Just once to look up and meet eyes of understanding and hear words of heartfelt compassion.

Just once to be held in esteem, not higher than myself, but as myself, a child of God who believes she is LOVED and ABLE to accomplish ALL that He has asked of her.

Just once to have the dreams He has given to me - believed.

Just once.

Despite the unbelief around us, there remains ONE who not only believes in me, but knows the outcome of all my life's dreams. He is The Dream Giver, the LORD Almighty.

The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing. Isaiah 51:3

How my heart longs to hear the sound of thanksgiving and singing! Joy and gladness! May it be unto me LORD as you have spoken!

I Refuse

Two weeks ago, Sunday, we heard an amazing message at church which became yet another confirmation that our God calls His people to work His sovereign will. Our pastor taught on Jonah, Nineveh, & the whale. He went over again the account of Jonah's running away, being brought back to serve God's will, and his ultimate attitude of "why me!"  David and I listened with a new understanding of what it means to run from God's call and what it means to follow Him but with a messed up attitude. Soon we were smiling at God's impeccable timing. As our pastor Dave Rod' explored the idea that, "We can run from God's calling, but we can not run from God!", we both sat on the edge of our seats hanging on every word. This story was our story only a few short weeks ago, struggling to move away from the calling He had for us. We were thankful to be on this side of the "whale" and full of confidence and faith knowing we were doing exactly what God wanted us to do in His name.

But then came the letters.

One right after another telling me, no, more like commanding me, NOT to follow God's calling. The reasons were full of motives that in themselves I'm sure seem pure to the outside world. However, once placed under the microscope of God's Word and His calling, these seemingly obvious reasons to do a 180 (or like Jonah, hightail it away from Nineveh on the first ship going the other direction!) and forget all about this idea of adopting again (for we surely had done "enough") as we had failed before and we would no doubt fail again.

Reasons like:
You are too old.
You need to save for retirement.
When is enough children enough?
Are you trying to earn God's favor through good works?
Will you ever be content?
Where will you get the money from to do this?
You are not loving your children that God has given you now by doing this.
The kids will think that you love the other child more because you are leaving them to go bring him home.

All of these and more filled pages of "Woe is you!" letters. Surprisingly, they just completely crumbled under the weight of God's will and turned into nothing but fear and excuses of why others think we should disgracefully disobey the very God who was calling us to go in His name.

As I wept under the stress and pressure of it all, and began wondering when God would make our faith real to these people, the one's who call themselves His, but do not have the eyes He has given us for adoption, I felt a heaviness take over my spirit of joy.  And just as I was gearing up for another round of, "I will try to convince them with my amazing words of spiritual prowess why we should follow God!"

God stepped in.

We received the pre-approval {PA} from Ch*na to adopt our little boy! There was no long line to wait in, no time to help pass by, not even a moment of doubt to linger in, God stepped in and with His Mighty hands declared that this journey was not only His will for us, but that He would control each step and go before us, beside us, and behind us with or without the blessings of others. Sealed with His approval and now with Ch*na's acceptance, we are more certain than ever that these are the plans He has for us! Plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future! {Jeremiah 29:11-12}


I didn't need to worry about the "what if they are right?" thoughts for even one more day, because the very next we received our PA! And suddenly, in the light of His glorious presence, nothing else seemed to matter but my faith-walk toward Him. Step by step our life journeys take us either closer to His throne or further away. Somewhere down this path of life there is an emphatic ending and an eternal beginning and where those two intersect, in front of the throne of God, He waits with the reward of our faith.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But ONE THING I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

Forgetting. Straining. Pressing On. This is where we are my friends. In the midst of God's calling there is always those that would stand in our way and with their {however lovingly} intentions try to cast doubt into our hearts. But, God says to press on! And so we press! Strain! and let go of what is behind us so we can take hold of what is ahead - more of HIM!

The service on Sunday two weeks ago ended with this amazing song.



I Refuse
Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I Refuse


I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

The words of the song spoke courage into my deepest fears - the fears that maybe, just maybe these people were right and I was somehow disillusioned by my dream. Each time the chorus was lifted in song, I felt God's hands placed firmly on my shoulders and His voice whispering softly to my heart, "Shelly, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I refuse to fear.

Wherever I go, He is with me.

And that's all the reassurance I need to walk on.

Orphan Sunday

One month ago today, I saw my son's adorable face for the very first time. And, I will never forget that moment. The moment of just knowing. Knowing that this little one, who God created, was meant to be in my family.

My son.

Just blessed beyond words! That He would consider us, who have no advantages in this life, to be this little boy's family. We are incredibly blessed.

To say it has been a whirlwind of activity ever since receiving our referral for George Mason is an understatement of gargantuan proportions! lol! We have literally been non-stop with collecting paperwork, completing forms, gathering documents, praying, praying, and more praying, and working! Oh, and did I mention that somewhere in all that we find time to eat and sleep, a little. I've been keeping the midnight, 1am, 2am oil burning just trying to move forward in getting our part completed.

There is something different about this journey for sure. He isn't just some fantasy we've only imagined in our minds, he is real, and he is in an orphanage half a world away from us without our family to love him. I guess that keeps me awake at night if nothing else. Just the idea that it has already been too long without my arms around him. It spurs me on something fierce to want to finish our part as quickly as I can, so that Ch*na can get to gettin' to do their work to help us bring him home. I know it will still end up being months of hurry up and wait, but at least I'll feel better during the waiting knowing I did all that I could, as fast as I could, to bring him home. Now if everyone else would just get on the same page with me, it'd be all good. ha! Seriously though, what is UP with the Dr. offices. Shew doggies! They just don't get that we are attempting the impossible and trying to complete our home study in record time. :)

Not for nothing, but I do believe it would be easier if Christian doctors would offer up the services for these physicals for adoptive moms and dads at a lightning fast speed. Wouldn't it be great, if the people in the Body of Christ would gather together their skill sets to bless orphans by making it easier on the families trying to complete the paperwork?

What if every church had a designated doctor {or 2 or 3 or 4} to help with the physicals, 3 or 4 notaries who would volunteer their services to help families, and some lawyers who at the end of the journey could help with the re-adoption process. And maybe some travel agents to assist with the ticket arrangements.

I know not everyone is ready to adopt, but we are all called to help the orphan, and today on this Orphan Sunday, I was just thinking what a blessing it would be for professionals {who may not be called to adopt themselves} to volunteer their time and services to help families who have been called and in a small yet HUGE way help an orphan come home to their forever family.

Just an idea - something to pray about too. Praying that the Body of Christ would rise up together to make a difference for the children waiting - waiting for families. I can see it now, a wall full of photos in a doctor's office. Photos of children he helped to come home - just by getting those physicals signed and processed quickly. A book of photos laying on the coffee table in the waiting room of a law office, photos of families that answered the call to adopt and families that he helped complete the re-adoption process. And what if that work was done for 1/2 the cost or maybe even pro-bono!

Or what if, WHAT IF!, young people would call families who are going through the paperwork for adoption and offered up their babysitting services to watch the kiddos they have at home. Sitting services for going to get those fingerprints completed, for going to home study meetings with the social worker, for going together to get those passport photos taken, etc. What if a group of young people decided to work together to contribute to an orphan's fund - either a grant program, or a philanthropy, or a families fund! To make a difference for one more - to make one less orphan.

Love this thought from Mother Theresa.

"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love."

On this Orphan Sunday, what small thing can you do this week for an orphan or for a family who is working and waiting to adopt an orphan into their forever home?

What small thing can we do with great love?

So that an orphan

Can become a beloved daughter!

And a waiting child

can become a cherished SON! :) Never, never, never under-estimate your gift. No matter how small you think that it is in comparison to what others may be doing for His Kingdom, your gift is great to those that need it! What you may think is small is multiplied in the hands of our Almighty God. And when it is offered up to others with great love, your small contribution brings God's heart JOY!

Change of Heart

There are times in my life that I have excitedly begun to do something truly thinking that the motives were pure and that I had every intention of trusting God to see it to completion. This adoption journey is one of those times. However, as we have progressed through the paperwork and now finding ourselves knee-deep in believing God for His provisions; it occurred to me that although I was praying and saying, "I am believing God to provide" I really wasn't even giving Him the chance to answer that prayer.

In a whirlwind of creative panic, I pulled together what I believed would be a great way to raise funds for our adoption, after taking photos of the items, creating an Excel sheet to track our sales, posting them all to our blog, and then writing out cute descriptions for each one, I was so proud of what I had accomplished in just a few short days. A few days later, I received a wonderful email and we sold our first item! {Thank you so much for giving!}

It was exciting to know someone loved us, loved God's heart for George Mason, and truly wanted to bless God's work in bringing him home.

But, there was still something off-center about the whole thing. Something not quite right. I couldn't place it, so I just plowed ahead. Posting links to other people's blogs about our fund raising efforts, posting links to my Facebook account. Hoping that someone, anyone, would visit and donate. That didn't happen.

If I had to be honest, ever since the work was completed to post the fundraiser, I have not been able to sleep. I couldn't define what was wrong in words, just an overall feeling of being unsettled in my spirit. I would wake up to check the email account setup for the fundraiser and find myself saddened to see that no one, save the one friend, was willing to purchase any of the items to help George Mason come home. Not one other friend. Not one family member. To say it was defeating is an understatement. I guess I thought, why wouldn't God bless this endeavor, after all, He said He would provide.

Yet day after day it was the same. No emails. No comments, notes from friends, left on the blog. Nothing. Suddenly I began to let fear take over. Maybe the prices are too high? No, that can't be it. After all I had paid $33.00 for the blanket and had marked it up to $50.00 for the fundraiser. That would mean a profit of only $17 and we were going to set aside half of that to donate to Half the Sky. My thoughts were swirling, and an uncomfortable knot began to develop inside my stomach. A mixture of fear and failure.

Hearing my own words echo back to me, "Where there is fear, there is no faith."

I started the next morning off on my knees before Him. "Lord, I don't understand why this isn't working. You know I've never done anything like this before, and if I'm doing something wrong could you just show me what it is so that this can be a success. You know the amounts that we need to complete each process. You see the path that you want me to take before I even step out my next stride. Lord guide my paths, make them straight, help me to understand Your ways."

The answer came. But, not in the way I expected.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." - James 13-17

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you DOUBLE-MINDED. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, AND HE WILL LIFT YOU UP."

The warmth of complete shame flooded over my face, flushed red with guilt and sorrow for having so quickly taken over what was clearly meant to be in God's hands. Oh Father forgive me! Forgive me for not trusting YOU to make the way. Forgive me for striving to do with my own hands what You have promised to give with Your own heart. I have been double-minded. I have sinned because I know the "good I ought to do" is simple to believe you, and I'm not believing. I'm trying to do this on my own. Forgive me. Lord cleanse me and renew a steadfast spirit within me. I am so sorry! Sorry for the pride that has crept inside, sorry for the fear that has replaced my faith in Your promises, sorry that I felt the need to help You - the very idea of that! - raise funds to bring home this treasure that You have given to us. God help me to pray with faith BELIEVING YOU!

Immediately, I took down all the posts. I deleted everything that I had done.
 
Am I saying that God does not approve of fund raising. No, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I've kept up the Just Love Coffee site simply because I believe that this business is blessing so many beyond our family's own borders by providing a living for hardworking coffee farmers in 3rd world nations. Plus, after trying their coffee. I wanted a quick way to link to our page to order more! lol! It is goooood coffee.

Anyway, I do believe that as long as the fundraiser is something God has given you specifically to do, He will bless it. For us, this was not something He inspired, but something I aspired too.

HUGE difference.

I thought I could help Him by helping ourselves. I thought my works equaled effort in His eyes and that He wanted that effort from me. The verses He took me to the other morning clearly showed me that this journey is not about our hard work, but it will be all about our faith walk. He doesn't want effort from us, He wants us.  That's it. That's all. Just us. Believing Him.

One of the biggest lessons of this came about when I noticed that we were actually having several visitors come to check out our journey, and after clicking on their blogs, I was taken aback to see that they too had signed up with Just Love Coffee, no doubt after reading our post. At first, I couldn't believe that someone would steal from George Mason's fund raising efforts by duplicating our post, but then, who am I to claim the corner market on anything. The truth is, that Just Love Coffee has made it available to any family that wants to fund raise to bring home a child. So sign up today! Go ahead! I had to remind myself: Don't all orphans deserve a family? Don't all families deserve the chance to fund raise? Yes. It was not for me to be angry about the duplication or perceived "stealing of ideas", they were just doing what they felt God wanted them to do for their journey.

And that was the lesson - their journey is not mine.

God has each of us on a path to complete His Kingdom purposes and though it might appear that we are traveling together bound by the shared destination of adoption, that is where the similarities end. No two families are the same. No two adoptions are the same. I was giving myself the "thumbs up" on creating this fundraiser simply because it is what I have seen so many other families do and thinking that made it okay with God. But, my journey is not theirs. And their journey is not mine. God has something deeper for me to learn - He wants me to trust Him implicitly.

In the final analysis, my change of heart has less to do with whether or not fund raising is something God blesses, and more to do with the confirmations God has clearly given to us. Dear friends, He has given us promises. God's promises are not like ours. It isn't that He will not break them, it is that He CAN NOT break them. He is simply unable too. Bound by His Word, Bound by His faithfulness, Bound by His covenant to us. God's promises are etched in stone. Etched on the surface of our very hearts. We are His. What He has spoken over us will come to pass in His timing and in His way. We believe Him. That is all the work there is to do.


If there is any effort happening in our family, it is the effort of believing. He has called us to be radical! So, we are radically believing Him to provide. Radically believing Him to open doors. Radically believing Him to heal. Radically believing Him to make a way. It will not serve us well to diminish His ability to do the MIRACULOUS by offering up bits and bobbles of this and that and scrounging around the barrels of empty faith trying to come up with crumbs to offer Him. Goodness NO! He has called us to a journey of faith and believing Him, and this sideshow that I had created was taking all the Glory from Him. I am so sorry Father God, so sorry. Please forgive me and my foolishness. From now on it is YOU. Nothing more. We are standing here in nothing but our naked faith waiting breathlessly for Your power to be revealed, and there will be no more feeble fund raising attempts at collecting for our adoption. If there is a grant to be given, it will come from His hands. If there is anything to be raised, He will be the one lifting us up. Giving comes from the Giver of all Good Things. He will provide. He will make a way for us. And in the end, these blog posts will be a testimony to His greatness! A testimony to His faithfulness! A testimony to believing Him! Our testimony of what happened when we simply let go and let God.

Just Love

Rejoicing that God provides! We are so excited to be partnering with an AMAZING organization to prayerfully raise funds for our plane tickets to China. Just Love Coffee Roasters was created by the Webb family when after adopting their daughter from Ethiopia they saw the desperate living conditions of the coffee farmers in that country. They embraced a great opportunity to not only support their daughter's birth country, but also other families who are adopting orphans around the world by selling coffee. Offering now an awesome array of Fair Trade Specialty roasted coffees, the Webb family has agreed to allow our family to raise adoption proceeds through the purchases of family and friends made from The Watt Family Page of their website.

Just click on the Just Love Coffee button on the sidebar (or above) to browse their many selections and learn more about how you can support our family. Just think, while sipping their delicious coffee each morning you can smile at the difference you've made in not only the life of a hardworking coffee farmer, but also in the life of our little boy by helping to bring him home to his forever family. These coffees promote not only love for the coffee growers, but also love for waiting children who are in need of families.

After all in the end isn't that what adoption is really all about - Just Love.