The Dream Giver

Not by accident, I picked up this book over the summer. As it had collected dust on our bookshelves for over a year, something inside me decided to wipe it clean and puruse through the first several chapters to see what I would find. Astonished to discover a parable of sorts unfold equal to the imagination of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, this new allegory told of a young man, Ordinary, who had been given a dream by The Dream Giver {God} and was setting out on a perilous journey to make that dream come true. As Ordinary dares to leave behind the Land of Familiar and break out of his Comfort Zone, I found myself eagerly cheering for him to continue his pursuit all the while finding myself more and more within the pages of this book. As often is the case with dreams, there are those who are far too eager to tie your ankles with lead balloons just in case you get too far ahead of yourself and think you might actually become Somebody Special. In Bruce Wilkinson's book, The Dream Giver, he calls those lead-balloon-tying folks, Bullies in the BorderLands. And in just the last couple days, God has urged me to remember what I read through this summer.

Ahead he saw the Wide Waters and the bridge to the Unknown. Between him and the bridge lay the BorderLand, an open stretch of flat ground. Ordinary was suprised to see, standing in the middle of the BorderLand, a few Nobodies from Familiar. One of the Nobodies, who looked more familiar than most, was hurrying toward him.

It was his Mother.

She rushed up and threw her arms around Ordinary. "Oh Ordie!" she cried. "My Baby! Thank goodness we got here in time! You mustn't go on!" she said. "I was so alarmed when I heard you were leaving Familiar! I know you told us that you were, but I never thought you would. Honestly, what are you thinking? It's not safe! You could get hurt. You could even die!"

"But it's my Big Dream, Mother!" said Ordinary. "It's a wonderful Dream and I want to pursue it."

He tried to reassure his Mother. He told her that as Big Dreams go, his was only a little life threatening. But this seemed to alarm his Mother more than ever. As they walked across the BorderLand, Ordinary spotted his Uncle and Best Friend.

Ordinary's Uncle strode up first. "So, you've decided to become a Dreamer." he said accusingly. "Do you realize that you are going completely against every tradition in this family? Why should you become a Somebody when the rest of us have always been happy being Nobodies?"

Before Ordinary could reply, Best Friend stepped in. "I was worried before, Ordinary," he said gravely, "but the more I've thought about it, the more convinced I am that you can't succeed at this. I can't stand by and watch you go down in defeat!"

Ordinary was speechless and bewildered. He'd heard a rumor about Border Bullies. But he had supposed that if it were true, Bullies would be Nobodies he didn't know. He never imagined they'd be some of the Nobodies who knew him best!

Now his Mother, Uncle, and Best Friend all stood silently before him, blocking his view of the bridge to his Big Dream. How would he ever get past them? Should he even try? He needed time to think.

He asked his Bullies to wait for him. Then he walked alone down to the water's edge, where he sat on a large rock.

Looking out over the Wide Waters, Ordinary thought and thought. He thought until he began to think that maybe his Bullies were right. Maybe he was wrong to pursue his Dream.

Then Ordinary heard a voice call his name. When he turned to see who it was, he recognized a Somebody. It was Champion, an old friend from Familiar who used to be a Nobody.

"Champion!" exclaimed Ordinary. "What are you doing here?"

Champion sat down on the rock beside him. "When I heard you had a become a Dreamer, I just had to come," he said. "I knew you'd need help."

"Thanks," said Ordinary with a heavy sigh. "But did you see all my Bullies?"

"I saw them," said Champion. "They're Bullies, all right. But think of me as your Border Buster. I want to help you break through their opposition."

Then Champion helped Ordinary understand what was happening. "Your Mother, Uncle, and Best Friend are only doing what's natural," he said. "When you left your Comfort Zone, you really shook up theirs. Each of them has something to lose if you go forward."

"That makes sense," said Ordinary. "But what do I do now? How do I get all my Bullies on my side?"

"Well, you might not be able to. Wisdom is the key. Try to understand what's motivating them. Look for the merit of their concerns. Some Bullies you need to simply dismiss or avoid. But most Border Bullies have concerns that can help you clarify your plans. That's how a Dreamer turns opposition into opportunity."

When Champion stood to leave, he said, "Hold fast to your Dream, Ordinary. You're going to be a Somebody someday. I just know it!"

Then he shook Ordinary's hand and jumped down from the rock. "Remember," he said, "when Bullies try to block your way, what matters most is who you choose to please!"

Substitute the names of the Bullies in this account and sadly, the story rings far truer than I'd like to admit. I know I am not alone in this tangled mess of duty and calling. There are many of us struggling with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even strangers {which are far more easily dismissed, but still wounding in their own selfish way} who would choose to speak over us and our dreams words of death. Yes, death.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Prov. 18:21

Our words weigh out so much emotion and coming from those that we love the most, hold all the more power. Choosing to speak words of life or death over a dream revealed creates an immediate impact that for some, or maybe just me, ripples on throughout my entire dream journey. It is harder to find the courage I need when I have nothing but echoes of doubt and death ringing off the canyons of my heart. But still, The Dreamer Giver calls me to face obstacles knowing He will equip, and He will sustain, and He will not let my foot slip.

So, why is it that those we love the most give us the least amount of joy for the journey?

How I long for just once the questions and doubts to cease and for arms of JOY and LOVE to wrap around my dreams while cheering me on to fulfill all that God has created me to be.

Just once, for someone to say, YOU CAN DO IT! knowing they will be standing with me and more than that running alongside me. Yes, running! All the way to that ultimate Finish Line waiting with arms wide-open to catch me up as I fall through the tape of destiny, and champion me for all that God has brought me through.

Just once to have my dreams met with anticipation and eager excitement.

Just once to know I have their immediate blessing without first undergoing a trial with me on the witness stand answering question after question and defending my faith.

Just once to feel the compassionate embrace of a supporter who comes from my land of Familiar and who wants nothing more than to see me succeed in this painful thing we call life.

Just once to be sought out and favored.

Just once to have my words linger in the air long enough for all to savor their meaning.

Just once to be given the credit of courageous or brave in light of all that my soul has endured.

Just once to look up and meet eyes of understanding and hear words of heartfelt compassion.

Just once to be held in esteem, not higher than myself, but as myself, a child of God who believes she is LOVED and ABLE to accomplish ALL that He has asked of her.

Just once to have the dreams He has given to me - believed.

Just once.

Despite the unbelief around us, there remains ONE who not only believes in me, but knows the outcome of all my life's dreams. He is The Dream Giver, the LORD Almighty.

The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing. Isaiah 51:3

How my heart longs to hear the sound of thanksgiving and singing! Joy and gladness! May it be unto me LORD as you have spoken!

I Refuse

Two weeks ago, Sunday, we heard an amazing message at church which became yet another confirmation that our God calls His people to work His sovereign will. Our pastor taught on Jonah, Nineveh, & the whale. He went over again the account of Jonah's running away, being brought back to serve God's will, and his ultimate attitude of "why me!"  David and I listened with a new understanding of what it means to run from God's call and what it means to follow Him but with a messed up attitude. Soon we were smiling at God's impeccable timing. As our pastor Dave Rod' explored the idea that, "We can run from God's calling, but we can not run from God!", we both sat on the edge of our seats hanging on every word. This story was our story only a few short weeks ago, struggling to move away from the calling He had for us. We were thankful to be on this side of the "whale" and full of confidence and faith knowing we were doing exactly what God wanted us to do in His name.

But then came the letters.

One right after another telling me, no, more like commanding me, NOT to follow God's calling. The reasons were full of motives that in themselves I'm sure seem pure to the outside world. However, once placed under the microscope of God's Word and His calling, these seemingly obvious reasons to do a 180 (or like Jonah, hightail it away from Nineveh on the first ship going the other direction!) and forget all about this idea of adopting again (for we surely had done "enough") as we had failed before and we would no doubt fail again.

Reasons like:
You are too old.
You need to save for retirement.
When is enough children enough?
Are you trying to earn God's favor through good works?
Will you ever be content?
Where will you get the money from to do this?
You are not loving your children that God has given you now by doing this.
The kids will think that you love the other child more because you are leaving them to go bring him home.

All of these and more filled pages of "Woe is you!" letters. Surprisingly, they just completely crumbled under the weight of God's will and turned into nothing but fear and excuses of why others think we should disgracefully disobey the very God who was calling us to go in His name.

As I wept under the stress and pressure of it all, and began wondering when God would make our faith real to these people, the one's who call themselves His, but do not have the eyes He has given us for adoption, I felt a heaviness take over my spirit of joy.  And just as I was gearing up for another round of, "I will try to convince them with my amazing words of spiritual prowess why we should follow God!"

God stepped in.

We received the pre-approval {PA} from Ch*na to adopt our little boy! There was no long line to wait in, no time to help pass by, not even a moment of doubt to linger in, God stepped in and with His Mighty hands declared that this journey was not only His will for us, but that He would control each step and go before us, beside us, and behind us with or without the blessings of others. Sealed with His approval and now with Ch*na's acceptance, we are more certain than ever that these are the plans He has for us! Plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future! {Jeremiah 29:11-12}


I didn't need to worry about the "what if they are right?" thoughts for even one more day, because the very next we received our PA! And suddenly, in the light of His glorious presence, nothing else seemed to matter but my faith-walk toward Him. Step by step our life journeys take us either closer to His throne or further away. Somewhere down this path of life there is an emphatic ending and an eternal beginning and where those two intersect, in front of the throne of God, He waits with the reward of our faith.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But ONE THING I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

Forgetting. Straining. Pressing On. This is where we are my friends. In the midst of God's calling there is always those that would stand in our way and with their {however lovingly} intentions try to cast doubt into our hearts. But, God says to press on! And so we press! Strain! and let go of what is behind us so we can take hold of what is ahead - more of HIM!

The service on Sunday two weeks ago ended with this amazing song.



I Refuse
Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I Refuse


I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

The words of the song spoke courage into my deepest fears - the fears that maybe, just maybe these people were right and I was somehow disillusioned by my dream. Each time the chorus was lifted in song, I felt God's hands placed firmly on my shoulders and His voice whispering softly to my heart, "Shelly, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I refuse to fear.

Wherever I go, He is with me.

And that's all the reassurance I need to walk on.

The Not Enoughs

Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail, but if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God. ~ Acts 5:38-39

We knew going into this journey that it was going to be one of the harder journeys of our lives, not because we didn't believe God could do anything we asked Him too, but because so many others around us would be struggling to believe that He was MORE than able and their fears would steal the JOY out of what God was doing. Right now the fears of others are taking a toil on us. Fears of loosing comfort zones, of loosing finances, of loosing the security that our other children need, of embarking on a journey to China again when there are so many "world problems", and the list goes on and on and on.

Each time I get a phone call, an email, or a letter {like today} that pulls me away from God's calling by reminding me of all the times "I've tried before and failed" or telling me again of all the GIANTS in our Promise Land, I simply go back to what is the most important thing - my obedience to Christ Jesus. My love for Him must come first before anything else. Yes, even before my own safety, even before my own comfort, even before my own financial gain, even before my "common sense" for there is nothing "common" or "sensible" about following a radical Savior, and yes, though I would die for each of my children I love them all that much, my love for Jesus comes even before them. What else can I say? God is number one, and His plans for my life are the plans I am embracing. So we will follow no matter the raging waters of fears swirling around us, for we know the one who walks on water and cries out, "Peace! Be Still!"

 And the same day, when the evening was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side.

 And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.

 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.

 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?

And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea,

Peace, be still.

And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

And he said unto them,

Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

Mark 4:35-41 (King James Version)

I can't say I didn't know this was going to happen, and I don't blame them for their fears often it shows me how much they love us to worry so much about our choices. It's just that when God tells you to do something you don't say, "But why?" or else you loose the anointing of His calling and miss out on the blessing He has for you in serving Him with obedience.

As I was praying for God to unite David and my heart toward this calling to adopt again, there were several conversations I had with Him in prayer and so much of what I was offering up as excuses as to why this was soooo not a good idea had a lot to do with how our family and friends would react. Suddenly it became clear that in the end, that didn't matter to God, what mattered was my obedience. Still it was so hard to hurdle over that HUGE wall of self-doubt staring me in the face.

Whether we choose to believe that God is who He says He is, and that He can do what He says He can do or we struggle through life trying to do it all in our own strength, the TRUTH is that God is constantly moving and proving Himself time and time again in our lives if only we would BELIEVE Him to do so! Showing up and showing out loud that he is Jehovah Jireh {the God who provides} especially when it comes to His children, His precious waiting children.

God sets the lonely in FAMILIES, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ~ Psalm 68:6

Families. That's God's desire for each of these children. Family is His heart. To be in His family is to be chosen. Chosen! That's what we are, and that's what we must do, we must choose to believe that He can do what ever it takes to accomplish His will for us. He has chosen each of us to be His daughters and sons, heirs to His kingdom, why would we waste our lives doing things unto ourselves, when there is so much to do for His kingdom.

And then it came- my awakening!

{gotta thank Beth Moore for her excellent study on FAITH}

God's Word alive and active in me echoing through all the walls I had built up. Seven days of marching and praying around that wall, crying out to God to change my heart and David's heart, asking Him to trust us with His will for our family and showing us that He would lead us and He would provide for us. And soon, that masonry work of self-doubt that I had erected in the name of "not enoughs" came falling down!

The "not enoughs." You know those screaming bricks I'm talking about, don't ya?

Not enough money. Not enough self-worth. Not enough time of healing my heart. Not enough desire to adopt. Not enough reason too. Not enough calling. Not enough confirmation. Not enough time on earth left to parent {aka We are toooo old to be parents again}. Not enough planning. Not enough resources. Not enough of me to go around. Not enough support. Not enough time in our comfort zone.

Oh, yes, just when I thought the "not enoughs" had taken over my life, how God loves to give me "more of Him" to answer them all! Praise Him! Realizing I had already learned the biggest lesson of my life through becoming Jessa's Momma, which is: that I could never fully love another out of my heart wrenching need to cure my loneliness, but that perfect love only comes out of His loveliness shining out through me. For my love is imperfect, conditional, and full of expiration dates, tallies, and grudges. Only, ONLY His love is perfect and whole, only His love will remain in me and through me, the same. Praise Him!

So when the "not enoughs" disappeared behind His powerful presence, it all suddenly became clear. Crystal clear. That He was going to call us again to love in His name, and that there were literally dozens and dozens and dozens of waiting children on China's special needs lists that had no one to call family. And that we, if we are anything, are already serving in His kingdom work as our kiddos' Mom & Dad, not such a huge stretch then to be another child's parent, so now just to believe Him that He will equip us to be THIS CHILD's Mommy and Daddy.

Yes, that was it. That was all it took. One prayer of believing God when He said, "I will equip you!" One step of obedience and faith toward His future plans for us. That I am a Mom already. That I can be a Mom to another child, and that He is faithful to always equip me with all that I need to do His will, all I have to do is BELIEVE. To step out in faith and accept God's power in me to work for HIS GLORY!

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep,

equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him,

through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. ~ Hebrews 13:20-21

So bring on the naysayers, the doubters, the questioners, the scoffers! We will not be moved from God's will unless He is the one doing the moving. And though the Enemy is working overtime to make us feel incompetent in our decisions and crazy for moving out in the stormy raging waters of uncertainty, we will exclaim all the more loudly as we are faced with doubts,

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

~ Mark 9:24 NIV

There are no troubled seas that His voice can not calm, there are no raging waters of fear that His hands can not cease, there is no doubt in me that my faith in Him can not conquer!

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~ Mark Twain