Waiting

The Waiting Child

I saw you meet your child today
You kissed your baby joyfully
And as you walked away with her
I played pretend you'd chosen me.

I'm happy for the baby yet inside
I'm aching miserably
I want to plead as you go by,
"Does no one want a child of three?"

I saw you meet your child today
In love with him before you met
And as I watched you take him out

 I knew it wasn't my turn yet.

I recognize you from last year!
I knew I'd seen your face before!
But you came for a second babe.
Does no one want a child of four?

I saw you meet your child today
But this time there was something new
A nurse came in and took MY hand
And then she gave my hand to you.

 Can this be true? I'm almost five!
And there are infants here you see?
But then you kissed me and I knew
The child you chose this time was me. ~ Debbie Bodie

 While it is hard to wait to embrace our son, it is harder still to think about the children who do not have someone waiting anxiously to hold them. We wait to bring home our little boy, yet I can't help but think of the thousands of other boys and girls who are waiting in orphanages in China. Waiting for a Mommy and Daddy to love them as their very own child. Waiting for their turn to hold a hand and know it is forever. During the first several years of Jessa's transition to our family, it was hard. I'm not gonna lie - it was brutally hard. Nightmare comes close to describing it. There were many times that folks stopped me to ask me about adoption and about our calling, and I'm not proud to say I was "done". Famous words of mine when I get fed up with something. "Done" with adoption. "Done" with God's heart for it. "Done" with telling others what a blessing it is. "Done" because it hurt to much to keep on keeping on. Ashamed that these words actually left my lips, "I am NOT an advocate for adoption."

Yep, I said that.

More than once even.

Why?

I'm not sure. Maybe I was bitter from having gone through everything and realizing that my expectations were NOT even close to being met. I know I was hurting. Still not sure that God realized what He was doing. Wanting the easy way and always, ALWAYS, getting stuck with the harder path. Just seems like God has a plan to stretch me and grow me whether I like it or not, whether I ask for it or not, and whether I want Him to or not. And believe me, if I could choose, I would choose NOT.

Despite my adult-sized temper tantrums, God was gracious and sustained my marriage and our adoption. He has showered me with forgiveness, mercy, and grace. And the reward has been an amazing, beautiful healing between my daughter and me. Love has come - softly. It is deep and wide now. It stretches over the landscape of both of our hearts and is so intertwined with our past and our present that I am blessed to say it feels like "it has always been this way." But, I know that it hasn't. And I'm realistic about these things. Truth be told, there was a time that I cringed to read blog posts like the very one I'm writing today. Adoption. Waiting children. God's heart. All of it seemed to put added pressure on me and made me feel like I'm not doing "enough" for God. Like 1 adoption isn't nearly as good as 2 or 3 or more! There is an attitude out there that unless you are currently adopting, you aren't serving Him.

hmmm. Humbly disagree with that one.

God's love for us is not based on performance or good works, and He created each of us with a special and very unique plan. Many of us have been called to adoption, but many are called to serve Him in other areas of the world. We are all the Body of Christ. Each of us a part that makes up the whole. There is no heart that is purer or more righteous {right with God} than another. God is our Father. God is our judge, and it is not our place to put limits on His ability to work in us and through us in whatever way HE CHOOSES. It is His choosing.

So while things in my own heart have changed 180 degrees, and I have repented and once again embrace God's passion for the orphan and know that He is choosing us to adopt again, I do not in any way want to pressure a family to do something that God, Himself, is not preparing their hearts to do. The first step in any journey of faith is prayer. I'm talking down on your knees, faces in hands, lifting up heartfelt cries of desperate seeking - prayer.

Then, and only then, can you faith walk out onto the raging waters knowing HE is going before, behind and beside you. Because He has promised He will. And believe me, without God's calling to look back on when we adopted Jessa, without His tangible and clear signs validating our journey, when things got TOUGH and beyond me to cope, if I didn't have an "Ebenezer Stone" erected in my heart, I would have given up. I would have been "done". That stone of remembrance was a testimony to God's faithfulness and calling and solidified what my current trials and surroundings would not bear witness too. He had called us to go. We had gone. It is not what we expected. But it was what He expected. It was long. It taught us long-suffering. It was hard. It taught us hard fought love. It was dying to love her. It taught us to love her while dying to self. Without her presence in my life and her struggle to open these places in my heart, I would have never been able to truly taste the unconditional love of the Father. She has changed me - for good. He has changed me - forever.

I know that we are called to care for the orphan. God's word is clear. But even more than caring, what if God is calling you to love them - love one - as your child. If you are feeling led to adopt a waiting child, perhaps you don't know quite where to start. There are many in the adoption community who are advocating for waiting children. Some children have special needs - both major and minor - depending on your perspective. Some children's only "special need" is that they are older, no longer an infant. Before we can decide in our hearts that adoption is not God's plan for us, shouldn't we ask Him first?


Have you asked Him?

God, what is your plan for my family?

What is Your purpose for my life?

Am I fulfilling all that You've created me to do?

I read that Your word calls me to act on behalf of the fatherless.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~ James 1:27

Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act. ~ Prov. 24:12

What role do You want me to play in this Kingdom work?

Dear Father, break my heart for the things that break Yours.

If you are seeking Him and His will for your life, I know He will show you how to reach out to these waiting children and help bring them hope and possibly a forever home. Whether through your finances are your prayers, isn't it time you got involved and touched God's heart by loving and helping a child that has no home? I want to encourage you to visit one of the sites below, and print out the photo of a waiting child. Place it on your fridge, or your bathroom mirror, or in your Bible. Then pray for that child as though they were your own. Pray for their family to find them. For God to give them a hope and a future. Pray until your heart begins to ache for them, and then...pray some more.

Wonderful Waiting Kids  (blog created by an adoptive mother to weekly advocate for China's waiting children)

Rainbow Kids (an exhaustive list of children from various countries and various agencies: in order review the photo listings you must first register a username and password - it is FREE. I was printing off children from this site last year to pray over when God called my heart again to adopt and found us our son!)

A.A.C.'s Waiting Special Focus Children (children from China & Korea listed with our agency)

Reece's Rainbow (children waiting with down syndrome)

Lifeline (adoption agency with special focus list - advocating for waiting children in China)

WACAP (adoption agency with special focus list, must request password and register - free)

New Day Foster Home (a wonderful organization that works in China fostering waiting children)

New Day Foster Home blog (blog that shares the journey of the children and their amazing impact)

Not every child I pray for is meant to be mine, but I know that God works through the prayers of His people, and there are many children who have found a family because God opened hearts through prayer. You see, I know, because this is how He opened ours - and George Mason is no longer on the list, he is no longer labeled as "waiting", because he has a family!

Our children arrived exactly as they were designed. There was no mistake here. They are a direct and unmistakable gift from God. He has given us children capable of copious amounts of unconditional love because we haven't been open to receiving the more indirect ways He's been showering it on us for the previous years of our lives. ~Courtney Heigele 

Maybe, just maybe, God has an unmistakable gift for you too!

Today marks the beginning of the Chinese New Year celebration! On the adoption yahoo group I joined while waiting for Jessa's referral, I've made so many friends and the group owner has been encouraging us with 14 days of Love Challenges. The challenges are very inspiring and today's challenge was doing something special for CNY with our family. The kids and I had already made paper lanterns yesterday and David helped hang up their masterpieces on a string across the kitchen table! It was the first time we've done this to decorate for CNY. Since it is such a major holiday in China and celebrated in the hopes that the New Year will bring each family: luck, health, happiness, and wealth. There are many traditions to reflect on and some we can actually replicate! One of the traditions is wearing a new set of clothing. Red is the lucky color! Apparently the donning of new threads, red in color, shows the "gods" that your family is prepared for the year ahead with "more than enough" wealth and luxuries to go around. We are celebrating in our own little way, making paper lanterns, wearing new Chinese silks, eating a wonderful Chinese dinner complete with noodles (long life) and dumplings (gold ingots), and handing out red envelopes with lucky money (even amounts only) inside to the kiddos. But besides the traditional aspects of this holiday, this year, we are also reminded of the promises that the one true God has for our family. The Something New He has given to us and the promises to bring George Mason home!

So while he is not here to celebrate, he is in our hearts. So I thought I would post his "something new" for this CNY. We received the bedding for his room and it is ADORABLE. I can't believe that we were able to find Curious George toddler bedding at Pottery Barn! I guess the Chinese would call that "lucky"! The sheets go so perfectly with the toddler quilt although we purchased that from Target. It looks like they were made to go together, but the quilt is actually from a different brand entirely. I'm so excited to put his room together.

And in case you were wondering...the girls are getting new bedding too! We found the perfect compromise for the girls who wanted PINK and PURPLE. This bedding has BOTH and yellow too, so we won't have to repaint the room entirely. YAY! They were soooooo excited to see their NEW blankets! And they will be even MORE excited when we get their bunk beds put together! Well, that's all the NEW we have for today. :) Checking the mailbox daily to see if our fingerprint appointment papers have come from the USCIS. Nothing yet. We really wanted to be DTC in February. That may be more like March now.


All in His perfect timing. Funny what YEARS of waiting for Jessa's referral gave us - a new perspective on waiting and patience for sure! Happy Chinese New Year! Gung Hay Fat Choi!

What's In A Name?

The other day the kids were playing with the ABC magnets on the side of our fridge. The girls have been learning how to spell their names, and they both decided to use the magnets. It was really cute! AJ was home sick from school and with his help they managed to find enough letters to spell out everyone's name in our family - including our dog! lol! I'm not sure what it is, but there is something that makes my heart so happy to see all the names of my children listed like this. I guess I've always loved personalization. Maybe it's because my name is always hard to find on those little kiosks full of key chains and mugs and what-not. I don't know - there is something just special about seeing one's name scrolled out for the world to see. Whether monogrammed or beautifully embroidered in full script, a name is a child's first piece of identity. A gift from their parents. A treasured keepsake.

One thing that has always been endearing for me is choosing the names of our children. It is such a sweet wonderful experience to search out the perfect name for the child I'm longing to love, to thoughtfully consider the combinations, to ponder over meanings and origins, and to pray for God's leading. Making lists, writing down all the possibilities, somehow the very act of it brings me closer to the Father. How excited He must be in planning a new creation - each child so full of possibilities and promise. Knowing He knows from the very beginning the names of our blessings.  And, while God certainly sealed names in our hearts for each of our kiddos, out of all the names we've given, George Mason is the only one that God actually gave to us.


We have a special book of names that not only includes the origin and meaning of each name, but also explores the spiritual significance of each name and provides a verse to go along with the entry. I LOVE that about this book!

GEORGE

• Origin: Greek
• Inherent Meaning: Land Worker
• Spiritual Connotation: Walks With God
• Scripture: Genesis 5:24 NRSV
• Enoch walked with God; then we was no more, because God took him.

MASON

• Origin: Old French
• Inherent Meaning: Stoneworker
• Spiritual Connotation: Overcomer
• Scripture: Revelation 2:17 NIV
• Everyone who is victorious will eat of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a NEW NAME that no one knows except THE ONE who receives it.

An OVERCOMER who WALKS WITH GOD. I can't imagine a more perfect name for our son than the one the LORD has chosen! :)  For all that little Mason has gone through and will have to go through in his life - to know that God walks with him and that He has given Mason the power to overcome is beyond comforting! But what I think I like the most about his name is that verse - Revelation 2:17.

In the Ch*nese adoption community, there is something magical about discovering what your child's Ch*nese name means. To accurately explore the meaning of a Ch*nese name - one has to know more than just the spelling. Each Ch*nese word can have layers of meaning depending on which symbol was used and what time of year it was and what season. You see, the Ch*nese do not just name their children - they weave a poetic meaning into each name by purposefully choosing a combination that gives blessings throughout their child's life. For our daughter, we rejoiced to see the beauty in her Ch*nese name! She was given a name by the orphanage director that graciously bestowed on her a life of shining beauty. It was, in the words of the Ch*nese, a good and lucky name. For that we are grateful.

However, not all orphans are as lucky. Some orphanages deem a life of "bad luck" on a child from the moment he/she enters their institution simply by giving a child a name without meaning. A name that either has a meaning that makes no sense, or a name that the combination immediately identifies them as an orphan, or creates such a weird juxtaposition that the hearer of the name immediately recognizes it as one that is not truly "Ch*nese". In other words, just by the act of naming a child, their fate is determined - literally. Orphan children who age out of the institutions at 14 years are often unable to advance in their education, finding work is difficult as many think they are "bad luck" or "cursed", many are not respected, and most discover that though they are Ch*nese in birth, because they are orphans, they remain outcasts in society despite their new independence - once again, they find themselves unwanted.

My heart ached as I read the words on our son's medical file. There is so much he has undergone in his little life - how I wish somehow I could have saved him from all of it. Pouring over every measurement and tracing the history of how he came to be - my eyes suddenly stopped over his name. His Ch*nese name. What did it mean? Who had given it to him? The sad reality hit me. He had been named not as a blessing, but he had been named as a number. Much like "John Doe" is used to track an unknown person.

The orphanage had named him for the month and zodiac year he was admitted and identified him as a boy. Nothing meaningful. Nothing poetic. My child was a number. My son was anonymous.

Perhaps they thought he wouldn't survive. The odds were certainly stacked against him. Maybe they use a system of names - and this was just the next one on the list. Certainly, my heart aches knowing what his future would have been in Chin@ living a life with that name and I fear, without meaning.

Whatever the reason, my son's name is part of his story, and a huge part of him. We will treasure his heritage and we will embrace his Ch*nese origins just as we have our daughter's. Still, I fear he will know the difference, and I pray even now that God will show Mason the miracle that he is! How much he overcame to survive and how much promise God created in him to live!

This name - this number - is what they call him now, but God, God had something NEW planned! And in that plan, that miraculous, glorious plan, God decided before the beginning of time, that our son would be named MASON and his verse, Revelation 2:17, sings so clearly the plans God has - to prosper him and give him a HOPE and a FUTURE.

And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a NEW NAME that no one knows except THE ONE who receives it.

Do you see it? Do you see the significance? A white stone - a clean slate. A new beginning to engrave a whole new set of memories in. God has not only given us a new son, but He has given our son a NEW NAME!

George Mason.

And Overcomer who Walks With God.


And for that, we are rejoicing!

Things Unseen

All around us God's miraculous plans are unfolding in things unseen. Our lives are orchestrated to a symphony that only The Great Conductor can measure in rhythms and chords. Our journeys intertwined among His thoughts and Higher reasons.  And all through out the daily melody of our life song, His divine sovereignty remains the ever constant cadence. The music of life is composed by the faith we have in things unseen - one note at a time.

What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see. God gave his approval to people in days of old because of their faith. By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God's command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen. ~ Hebrews 11:1-3 NLT

David and I both were surprised by God's call on our lives as He began opening up our hearts to the idea of adopting again. We had much to pray over as we pondered the weight of this new call. We have dedicated our lives to Christ, and our lives are His to use for His glory, but still, it was difficult to process the how? why? and when? part of the journey. Armed with faith and little else, we jumped in with both feet and full hearts to see what God's plans included.

And how miraculous our God is to supply all of our needs! He is faithful to fulfill His promises in His ways which are always higher than our own. This miracle of faith begins back in 2007 when we joined our adoption agency's yahoo group while waiting to adopt our daughter, Jessa. Little did we know the amazing friendships and encouragement we would receive from these wonderful Christian women! From the beginning, I quickly connected with a wonderful mom who was adopting a little boy. Her heart so tender for the plight of the orphan. She not only has been called to adopt, but is sacrificially advocating for those children who are waiting still to find their forever families.

As the years went by, we both ended up traveling to bring our children home from Chin@. Every now and then we would connect through emails, and then one day something very happy happened for her family. They brought home an adorable puppy. But not just any puppy, a King Charles Cavalier puppy! She had no idea that we had been researching  breeds of dogs for months and that David and I had agreed to purchase a Cavalier puppy as well. This would all be just a happy coincidence if it didn't lead to something more - some thing unseen!

Several more months went by and Sarah shared with me that they would be purchasing another Cavalier in the hopes of some day breeding the dogs to have their own litter of pups. The day came that she had prayed for - Kai Kai was expecting! We were thrilled to hear the good news as there is nothing cuter than Cavalier pups! The next couple of months would be hard for Sarah as she prayed over Kai Kai. Several times it seemed as though she might have miscarried, but each time Sarah prayed and Kai Kai recovered. It came time for her to deliver and she gave birth to three adorable puppies. And this is where God's life-song for both of our families began to play.

Sarah wrote me a beautiful email explaining that the reason she was so distraught over Kai Kai's puppies was that their family had decided long ago to give to the Lord a "first fruits" offering from the sale of the pups. They had planned from the beginning to purchase dogs to breed so that the sale of the puppies could provide financial assistance to an organization that advocated for orphans or a family that was currently believing God to bring home their child. She had prayed and God had answered. "God is laying your family on our hearts - this first fruit offering is to help Mason come home."

My heart leapt with JOY over the way God had woven our stories together. For it is then that I emailed my sweet friend back and shared that God had laid on our hearts to adopt a son with special needs, and that it was their faith to adopt their son with a limb difference that opened up my heart to the possibility to pursue Mason's adoption. Somehow seeing their son thrive in their amazing care softened my heart and took down barriers of fear that I had in adopting a child with special needs. I explained to her that when we stepped out in faith to trust God to provide for our financial needs to adopt Mason that we believed that God would lay our family on the hearts of those He had purposed before time began to intercede on our behalf. I explained that while they were contemplating which family to offer up their "first fruits" too that our family had been praying for God to provide the "first fruits" of our faith showing us that He would provide. We both wept at the others news! Only a God like ours can orchestrate a symphony of faith so beautiful!

Here is the story from her blog post in Sarah's own words:

I knew from the time we brought Kai Kai home that the first puppy of every litter sold was God's and not ours. It didn't matter if she had 1 puppy or 7 or how much the first puppy sold for. After we bred Kai Kai there were 2 times that I was sure she had lost her puppies. I cried out to God not because we were going to lose the money from the puppies but mostly because I knew there was a family that needed this puppy to help bring their child home. We honestly didn't even know until 3 weeks before she had them that she was pregnant.

Kai Kai has 3 beautiful, beautiful puppies and oh I will have a hard time letting them go to their new homes.

I prayed and prayed over which family would receive the money from this first puppy. I was kind of pushing a friend to start an adoption and get them to take it but I knew that wasn't right. I then prayed and prayed about giving it to some good friends of ours that are adopting but every time I tried to make plans for this puppy God kept putting another family on my mind. I can't even begin to tell you how many times God put this family in my head letting me know the puppy was to help bring their son home.

I wrote the mom one day and I told her that I couldn't believe I was telling her this because I wasn't going to say anything until we had the money to give them, but I felt God wanted me to tell her. The mom wrote me back an amazing letter that clearly showed why I was to tell her and that we had the right family.

I wasn't going to share the family on here but I want to because I would love for you to read their amazing story on their blog. This is a family that stepped out in COMPLETE faith, and God is moving mountain after mountain for them to get this beautiful little boy home who just happens to have a limb difference like Jaxson.

I wrote this because I want people to know that if God has given you a passion for something or a desire to adopt don't be afraid to ask God for creative ways to make things happen. Don't be afraid to ask God to multiply your money to do good things, your family or even your boundaries. Ask God to help you think out of the box and get creative.

So today, received in our mailbox was yet another amazing miracle - creative? yes! like only the Creator of the Universe can design! out of the box? for sure! The card reads so simply, yet with such profound purpose,

This is a gift from God, not from us.

Have a good day! :) 

And with trembling hands, understanding once again the full measure of God's amazingly beautiful love for me, for Mason, for the orphan, for the families desiring to follow His will and adopt a precious chosen child of His making, for each and everyone of us who believe Him in faith - I hold a monetary gift from the sale of their very first puppy! We have been praying for God to provide for the remaining cost of our home study update. Praise God He has given us the amount we needed! To Him be all the glory!

Some may be reading this and thinking to themselves, well yes, of course, God would do that for their family, but that's not how God operates in mine. I just want to encourage you, do not let go of your faith so easily. God is no respecter of persons. What He has done for us, He will do for your family as well! Step out in faith - trust Him to provide - seek Him first. So you might be wondering how? How do I believe like that? The Scriptures tell us that all we need to do is believe that Jesus died for our sins and allow Him to be your Savior, King of your heart, God of your life. Bow your head, fall on your knees, and humbly ask Him to come into your heart, be the one who guides your paths, that you long to follow Him all the remaining days of your life, ask the Holy Spirit to anoint your life with His power and strength, and then prepare to change your life allowing His Word - the Bible to transform you making you a new creation and to bless you with the faith to move mountains.

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. (He is the author, originator and perfecter of our faith!) ~ Hebrews 12:2 NLT

David and I have faith so small that it literally is unseen! Often times are hearts fail us despite God's promises to provide. We hope and pray and wait. There are days we question whether we have embarked on the journey wisely knowing the cost both emotionally and financially. Those days are hard. And yet, God always finds a way of reminding us that this is not our plan - but His.

So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong. ~ Hebrews 12:12-13 NLT

He will make a way. He will provide. He will direct the hearts of His people and guide their steps to bless those that are doing His Kingdom work. He is ABLE. Today has given us the first fruits of our faith for we hold in our hands "the evidence of things unseen!"

Good News!

O! my stars! Isn't he getting sooo big! This makes me want to hold him all the more! Today we were given a gift in our in-box! I was so excited to open up an update about our son! The Chengdu CWI was willing to provide two updated photos as well! YaY! We can't wait to put a huge smile on his little face!

I just have to say that our adoption agency is AWESOME! They provided this service to us absolutely FREE and they did not even blink twice when I asked. They inquired right away! And talk about an "open door"! God is surely with us even in the small steps of this journey. Praise His Holy Name! The director we've been working with is so kind and sweet. She has been out of town for personal reasons and she went out of her way to send my request to someone who was in the office this week. So blessed that this was given to us as a gift! A.A.C. Adoption & Family Network is just that a network of people working TOGETHER. They are an incredible TEAM and they actually ENJOY helping and blessing families like ours. We are incredibly blessed to be included in their family now as well.

They told us he is very healthy & a big eater! lol! :) He weighs 20.9 pounds and is 29 inches tall, which means he is still wearing 6-12 months clothes at age 17 months. So teeny compared to our kiddos who always manage to end up in the 90th percentiles. hee. They also said he has 8 teeth and is able to sit up on his own now. Answer to our prayers! He can stand alone too and is just learning to walk holding onto his nanny's hand. Be still my heart! We soooo want to travel to scoop up our little guy NOW! :)

Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land!

Proverbs 25:25

Faith Steps

 

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr

Today was a wonderful MLK holiday off from school & work, and we spent the day enjoying the company of each other. We also decided to move bedrooms around and plan out a design for what will be Mason's new nursery. Steps like these always make the process of adopting feel real and permanent. Paperwork and documents certainly bring our journey closer to embracing our son, but paint swatches, fabric choices, and room themes begin to create more than just spaces in our hearts for him, but in a very real sense, a space in our home. Just a few months ago, George Mason wasn't even in our minds to consider, and now, having taken that very first step of faith, he is becoming all that we think about. Prayers for him are said at bedtime and dinnertime. The girls ask me daily when we will be able to bring him home; their little brother whom they affectionately call "Curious George." AJ talks about all that he will be able to teach him, and adds his own influence in choosing paint colors. Orange! {not gonna happen, but so cute that he wanted to vote! :) }

The girls are SUPER excited to be sharing a room together! We barely got the ideas out of our mouths and they were moving all of Jessa's things from her room into Hollyn's. :) Three nights of them sleeping in the same room together has brought back a lot of memories for both David and I of our childhoods. We both shared rooms with our siblings. Talking until we fell asleep, sharing secrets and giggles, waking each other up to discover what the day held. We prayed a special prayer over the girls that God would bless their room with conversations that honor Him, their hearts with love toward each other, and to grow their friendship in a deepening bond of sisterhood. I know God has great things planned for both of them; and somehow, I do believe that although I could not have imagined them sharing a room just a few months ago, it is definitely a positive step for both of them.

And on top of all the excitement in preparing for our little boy to come home, there is a wonderment about how we will all "fit" together. What will he be like? His personality? His likes? His dislikes? Questions we will not have answers to until the day our eyes meet for the very first time. But alas, there is much time to ponder those thoughts, for now we are deep in love with just the idea of him. And in all of our planning, painting, and creating...we have all discovered he has already found a place and filled a huge space in our family.

Our Christmas Miracle

Opening up our friends & family Christmas cards is one of the many things that I look forward to doing during the holidays! It is such a blessing to catch up on everyone's family and to see the way God is working in their lives and how He has shown Himself faithful throughout the year. Not to mention the beautiful photos I get to collect of my dear friends and family! Love those!

So this year was not different. Day after day the mail came and in it beautiful cards and letters from those that we love. I say nothing was different, that is until the day God sent us a Christmas Miracle.

We have been praying for God to move in the hearts of those He has planned from the beginning of time to help Mason come home. Not shouting it from the roof-tops or pleading our case on-line, but praying and looking to Him to provide. A couple weeks before Christmas I began to panic that we wouldn't have the funds that we needed in order to mail the fees to our agency. I began to pray and God spoke to my heart and gave me a complete peace that when the time was come that these documents should be delivered - He would provide just as He had provided for His own son's miraculous delivery. Not a day before, not a day after. But, when the time came - God's promises would be upheld.

So we went through Christmas and soon found out that although are home study had been completed for over a week, we would have to wait through the holidays to pick it up because it needed to be approved by our agency in CO. It was hard waiting, but I also knew we were short the amount of funds we needed to pay for the adoption fees for this phase.

$1,500 short.

David and I prayed and sought after God for guidance. What should we sell? What should we do? Is there any extra hours I can pick up at Target? Can he drive more sports teams over the holidays? We tried our best, but still, with Christmas being here, it wasn't looking good. Then the unthinkable happened. Our roof began to leak. David's car broke down on the highway. Our water filtered stopped working. We were feeling attacked, and not just any kind of attack, attacked in our finances.

Opening up our mailbox that afternoon, I was happy to see more cards inside. As I opened the first of three cards, I suddenly began to realize that this was no ordinary delivery. This was God's special moment to shine! For I discovered lovingly tucked inside the cards of three very special friends were incredible donations for Mason's adoption!

Each of them had given what God alone had layed upon their hearts. None of them know the other one. Miles and states and even countries separate them. How then, how did they know the need? How did they know the timing? How did they purpose to mail their blessings at the same time? Only God! Not a day before, not a day after. When the time had come - He delivered!

Fingers trembling I held onto the checks that God had moved their hearts to send to us. My mind whirling with overwhelming thoughts of gratitude, thankfulness, and so humbled by my deep unworthiness to be blessed in this way by dear ones who have very full plates of their own. I was still processing what God, our Jehovah Jireh, had provided when David bounded through the door after school. He was, as always, all smiles and asking about our day at home. I handed him the Christmas cards and looked deeply into his eyes, with no words exchanged, he knew what I was holding.

His eyes began to well up with tears and he clutched the checks to his heart. Spilling out all over his face was the knowledge that our God, the God of the entire universe, loves us so completely.

Even when we reject His plans for us. Even when we say "absolutely not". Even when we think all of our 1000's of reasons are better than the 1 act of faith He is calling us to. Even when we don't deserve it. Even when life tells us to give up. Even when the enemy attacks and drains our finances. Yes, even then - God is still there, planning, working on our behalf.

David did not want to pursue another adoption. His reasons were all so valid. His heart shattered by the transitions we had struggled with after Jessa's homecoming. Yes, he was reluctant, but more than that he was scared. And rightfully so. Yet, God moved my husband's heart to see that this journey was not about fear but about faith. And dear friends, isn't God so good to bless us for our faith! What small things He asks us to do. To just believe Him. BELIEVE. And then somehow, just through that small step of faith, we are overwhelmed by His great love!

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" I John 3:1

Standing there together, holding the promise of God in our hands, realizing that this was our Christmas Miracle, we wept for joy, wept over our dear friends' kindness, wept from the way we were beginning to doubt Him, wept because we are so undeserving. My always smiling husband wept because this was the SIGN he needed. Not that the other signs weren't enough, they were! But, he needed to see that God was going to provide - and He did friends!

Every. single. last .cent.

For we were short $1500, and our GREAT, MIRACULOUS GOD, sent to us, not a day before, or a day after, but ALL on the SAME day $1500! He is FAITHFUL to uphold His promises.

Oh Praise HIM! Give Him all GLORY for the GREAT things He has done for us!

Sealed With Prayer

Finally! After months of completeting paperwork for the adoption, it is ready to be mailed to our agency in Colorado. This afternoon, the girls, David and I went downtown to the Secretary of State's office to get everything state sealed. We walked in and soon learned that typically they will only seal up to 15 documents while you wait; otherwise if you have more, you have to drop them off and come back to pick-up. Bummer. We had 18. I explained to the woman helping us that we were adopting from Chin@ and that we really, really, REALLY had hoped to mail everything to our agency soon! She smiled and said, "okay". :) YaY! God once again opened a door for us that usually would not only be closed but sealed tight. This is after all a government office. lol! So we waited and drove home with HUGE *smiles* remembering the last time we did this was for Jessa Li. She wanted to hear all about that and it was so fun explaining to her how excited Mommy and Daddy were to bring her home. :) We got home and ordered Chinese for dinner {what else is there to eat to celebrate another milestone in the journey!}, and I compiled everything that was needed for our dossier.

• Letter of Petition to Adopt
• Financial Statement
• Physicals for Each of Us
• Letter from Physician
• Birth Cert. for Each of Us
• Marriage Cert.
• Home Study x 4
• USCIS Application I-800A
• Form I-800A, Supplement 1
• Form I-800A, Supplement 2
• Form I-800A, Supplement 3
• State Police Background Check for Each of Us
• County Police Background Check for Each of Us
• Guardianship/Raising Commitment
• Copies of Each Passport
• Employment Letters for Each Employer (3 total)
• AAC Formal Application
• AAC Policy, Procedures & Programs Disclosure
• Disclosure of Criminal History
• Interagency Agreement for Exempt Providers
• Medical Conditions Checklist
• Adoption Training Topic Checklist
• Adoption Training Certificates - for 10 hours
• Health Insurance Carrier Letter Certifying Coverage
• Health Insurance Benefits Print-out Highlighting Coverage
• 8 photos: 1 outside home, 2 inside home, 1 family, 1 of couple, 3 our choice
• 6 Visa/Passport size photos of each of us

AND, for the MIRACULOUS, GOD-MOVING MOUNTAINS MOMENT!

• 2 Cashier Checks - 1 for AAC fees and 1 for USCIS fees!!!! {stay tuned for that post!}

Before going to FED-EX to mail our dossier to our agency, we spread out the sealed state papers in the living room and layed our hands over them and prayed. Even though these important papers had been sealed by the state government, they needed another kind of sealing - a sealing by the Holy Spirit. Again we cried, overwhelmed by the decision to adopt again, overwhelmed by God's big YES! I want you to do this for Mason, but more importantly for me - your Heavenly Father. We wept knowing that God was giving us another son for somehow it now seemed all so real. We cried knowing that God was blessing us in ways so mysterious and beyond our control that surely He had been orchestrating them since the very beginning of time. Just the knowledge that He loves us this much brings us to tears. We prayed for God to multiply blessings unto those who had sacrificially given to His kingdom work in helping us bring Mason home! That our dossier may go to Chin@ and be approved quickly, that our I-800A may go to the processing facility and be approved quickly, that God would protect each paper, making our way smooth as He continues to open every door!

Sealing everything with prayer, and placing every care in His loving hands. For He is FAITHFUL.

WORD UP!

A brilliant start to the New Year and I’m reminded once again of the amazing blessings in my life! Today’s’ date is 1-1-11! And while it always seems we are making New Year resolutions that we hope will significantly change our lives, I really didn’t want this to be just another year full of hope-to-dos. I hope to do this or that. I hope to be this or that. I hope to change this or that.

Hopes don’t make change happen. Actions do.

With a date like 1-1-11, it was clear that there needed to be ONE idea upfront and center. ONE concept we can focus on throughout the year. As the seconds ticked off the clock ending the 2010 calendar, I felt so motivated to create a new tradition for our family. I wasn’t sure what it would be, but we needed something more than mere resolutions to create a positive entry into the New Year. So, I challenged my family to consider how we might make God the center of our year. What we could do to create a life-mark for each of us. I wanted this year’s resolution to be one that we could look back on and remember, and that could be a goal to work toward influencing our daily lives. In a sense, a mark to start 2011 and thereby dedicating the entire year to the ONE who holds our times in His hands.

With this goal in mind, we decided that we would take the One Word challenge. This challenge is not new, but perhaps our twist on it might be. I found many resources for it on-line and they all seemed to have the same directions: Find one word that defines your resolution for the year. However, unlike the others that I read about who undertake the same idea in a more “self-centered” mode, our family has chosen words that define our relationship desire with Jesus. We desire to place Him first, so our first act of 2011 is to consider what He would have us mediate on throughout the year. We wanted to choose words that would remind us of our Source of Life.  We sought to find words that would center our thoughts, actions, and words toward Christ.

After sharing this challenge with my family, what surprised us the most was that we did not have to think long and hard about what the one word should be, nor did we have to choose between two or more words. Which was particularly significant for me, being so naturally wordy! Lol! After presenting the idea to my family, it truly was miraculous as the Holy Spirit immediately placed a word specifically on each of our hearts. 

These are the words God has given to us for 2011:

Endure - David, Become - Shelly, Faithful - AJ, Kind - Goldilocks, Loving - Lil' Peanut.

My word is “become” and has to do with what I wrote above about my affinity with the “hope-to-dos” resolutions. I decided that all the wishing and hoping in the world doesn’t ever change anything. If I want to truly make a difference, I have to focus on doing more than just planning, and wishing, and hoping – I have to become! Love this word! It is full of action and promise! I see so much potential for this little word and I can’t wait to explore what God has for me to learn about becoming more like Him!

Here are some of the definitions of become:  

• ·         to grow or come to be
• ·         enter or assume a certain state or condition
• ·         undergo a change or development
• ·         come into existence
• ·         enhance the appearance of
• ·         to arrive, come (to a place). [9th-18th c.]
• ·         to begin to be; to come to be; to turn into. [from 12th c.]
• ·         to look attractive on, be suitable for. [from 14th c.]
• ·         to be the fate of; happen to
• ·         enter or assume a certain state or condition
• ·         undergo a transformation or a change of position or action
• ·         come to be, develop into, be transformed into, grow into, change into, evolve into, alter to, mature into, metamorphose into, ripen into
• ·         to suit, look good on, befit, enhance, flatter, ornament, embellish, grace, harmonize with, look right on, set off
• ·         of something or someone, happen to, befall, be the fate of, betide

Now for the spiritual twist. Instead of just mediating on the definition of the word we have chosen, we are meditating on what God’s Word says about that word.  One Word, defined through His Word, Helping my heart to look UPward! WORD UP!

So, we are planning on writing out the full definitions for each of our words and then using the Strongest NIV Exhaustive Concordance that my wonderful friends gave to me as a gift (I told you I really, really like words! ha!) I performed a word search to locate a verse that defines most what I would like to focus on in 2011. That verse will be my mediation. The goal is to memorize it and for it to become my verse for the year.  

I’ll help AJ do the same for his word, and help the girls find an appropriate verse at their level of memorization. Of course David and I will be spearheading this, so it means we can’t just give up on the idea when we become complacent in February. To avoid that, we decided we would write out the word and the verses and post them on the mirrors in our bathrooms. What better place to put something that you want to look at daily! Then, to help us remember our words and verses, we'll have Word Up Wednesdays after dinner. :)

Here is the Scripture passage that correlates with my heart’s desire and the word chosen: become.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may BECOME blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life – in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. Philippians 2:13-16

There is so much here to meditate on and apply to my daily life! Where to start is the only question I have!?! 

I guess I shall tackle it the same way I resolved to change this year – one word at a time.

Let us know if your family is up for the WORD UP spiritual challenge and leave a comment below with what your word & scripture passage is for 2011! And remember, it's never too late to begin focusing on God's plans for your life!

A Family For Christmas

As we gather together to celebrate the JOY of the season, my kiddos are full of excitement and happiness! It is so magical to see Christmas through the eyes of your children. We have had our share of FUN and memories and lots and lots of LOVE! And in the midst of baking cookies, decorating the tree, and wrapping presents, I find myself thinking so much about our little boy waiting in Chin@ for his forever family to come. My thoughts are not far from him. I've purchased little clothes for him to wear, a couple of small toys to bring with us on our journey to him, and a special Curious George plush monkey for him to cuddle with and love on. Yes, in a way I suppose you could call them gifts for Christmas, but he is not here to open any of them. He is not here for me to love.

There is heaviness in my heart that will not leave. It is that ache that reminds me constantly that our little boy is in an orphanage across the world and doesn’t know me or how my heart longs to hold him. The fact that I can’t instantly go to him and swoop him up in my arms and be his Momma. That I can’t give him presents to open today, or a soft place to cuddle, or whisper sweet words of love to his needy heart. I’m celebrating the birth of my Savior, Jesus, and I am reminded what a gift it is to know Him and be known by Him. I’m not sure why God’s plan was to bring Jesus to us as a baby, perhaps it was the vulnerability that takes place in knowing he walked through every stage of life just as we have, perhaps it was the idea that his birth would be truly miraculous, or maybe it was to seal that God’s gifts come to us in unexpected ways, whatever the reason, that baby was destined for mighty plans and yet needed the loving touch of a mother and father – a family – to become His full potential. Family has always been God’s plan right from the start. He sent Jesus to us so that we could be reconciled with God and be a part of His family.

Yes, God’s perfect gift – His only son, Jesus, meant more than just forgiveness of sin, it meant we could have a Forever Family. Sweet baby Jesus was not an orphan, although he did feel a stranger in this world as his home was with His Heavenly Father, but he was not an orphan. He had a family. And as I sit here thinking about all that I have been able to accomplish in my life because I have a family that loves me, encourages me, cheers for me, supports me, and sees the potential in me – my heart is breaking for the millions of orphaned children that lay their heads down tonight without the all encompassing love of a family. How insecure their hearts must be, how incomplete their dreams for a future, how confusing their emotions – longing for love, a lasting relationship, and yet erecting daily a wall to protect their hearts, keeping in check their needs knowing they will not be met today, tomorrow, or the next. Tonight as I celebrate Christmas with my family, I am praying for my sweet little boy in Chin@ and asking God to hold him close to His heart until I can.

We love you George Mason!

And yes, you do have a family this Christmas; somehow, I just wish you knew.

Merry Christmas!